I’m going to blog about something super uncouth as an example today. So, stop reading if you think it’s totally gross for me to refer to stomach illnesses. This post’s not for you.
God usually finds me in dramatic ways in the middle of my bouts of the stomach flu. I am a huge baby when it comes to throwing up as an adult. I don’t remember hating it so much as a kid. Then, it was just a part of life. But, since university or so, all of my memories of the stomach flu involve me feeling absolutely helpless and out of control. I can only find peace in my distress once I eventually remember that God is still in control.
My two-year-old and I both had the stomach flu a few months ago. He coped a lot better than I did. This was his first run-in with a full-blown gastrointestinal illness. I expected him to freak out when he didn’t know what was going on. He did not freak out at all. My parents were babysitting him. He vomited twice while playing happily.
His take on it, in his own words:
Him, rubbing his ribs later in the day: “Mama, my body so soooorrreee.”
Me: “I’m sorry buddy. That’s totally normal, though, and is nothing to worry about. After we puke our bodies can feel sore. We can take it easy on the couch or lie down if you want.”
Him, immediately totally appeased by my explanation: “Yeah, feel all better now. Sit on couch with mama. Drink special drink mama made me [lemon lime electrolyte mix]. Ooh! Sour! Favourite! Oh, thank you!”
[He was back to bouncing around like a pretend bunny less than 15 minutes later]
Him, to husband/dad after work: “I puked today. At store. Opa there. Two guys come – clean up. Paper towel.”
Dad: “I heard that. I’m so sorry buddy. It’s not your fault, and everything is OK. Opa was there for you, and it’s all clean and better now.”
Him, nodding, completely chill: “Yeah, all better now.”
He was so matter of fact, so relaxed and calm, and so completely satisfied with the small explanations of events we’d given him. Despite this being a first-time experience for him, and an objectively unpleasant one, he knew that if mom and dad weren’t worried about it, he didn’t need to worry either.
Two days later, the bug hit me. I complained a lot. I irrationally worried that it was more than the stomach flu, in my newly pregnant case. Is this the flu, or am I going to have hyperemesis gravidarum this pregnancy and suffer a lot for the next eight months? Is my six-weeks’-gestation baby alright in there? I didn’t leave my bed or the bathroom floor. Each time my husband checked on me, I moaned and groaned to demonstrate that I felt like I was dying. I shouted into the toilet bowl. I was not nearly as chill as my son.
I started to chide myself for my lack of composure, and then it hit me that when we’re kids, we have blind trust that our parents will take care of us, and that brings a lot of peace. As adults, even when we’re sick, we’re in authority mode. We have autonomy over our own lives. Even while we are at our worst, we constantly have to make determinations about why we might be sick and whether we need treatment. For example, we need to know when we might be getting too dehydrated and decide the degree of help we need to seek. We need to cover off our obligations: call in sick to work and reassign any urgent tasks, arrange or maintain childcare, etc. That’s a lot of pressure, when you feel like incapacitated junk.
And, therefore, the only thing that ever has been able to bring me peace when I’m sick to any degree, is knowing that God truly holds my whole life in His hands. Sure, I still have an adult brain that needs to take charge of my earthly life to the extent that I’m capable, but He knows what will happen and will have His will no matter what. Whatever happens will be for my good. God will truly strengthen and uphold me as He promises to.
Whenever I come to that realization, the illness feels much easier. The burden is lighter knowing I’m not ever fully in control, like a little kid who trusts her Father.
We’ve largely lost touch with an ability to appreciate authority. Yes, human authorities are imperfect, but most are generally beneficent. Most of society seems to think that obedience is a bad word. Yet, willingly submitting to authority can bring a whole lot of peace and joy.
Christians can get a bad reputation for being “sheep.” But, in all honesty, my life runs a whole lot more smoothly when I exercise a lot of submission and trust to human authority and to God. I’m going to inevitably be sick sometimes and, eventually, I’m bound to die. I’m going to have to obey my boss no matter whether I think a policy is stupid. I might as well not fight it fretfully, where I can’t or won’t change my circumstances.
I recently facilitated a Bible study through 1 Peter and 2 Peter. I was struck by how strongly it felt that Peter’s (I subscribe to the view that it indeed was Peter who wrote these letters, but that’s not worth getting into) words could be read as if they were written to Christians today. Scripture is truly living and breathing. Peter writes some challenging and inspiring words, particularly respecting submission to authority and submission to the experience of suffering as Christ suffered for us.
In 1 Peter 4:12-13, I hear a call to submit to the Lord through trials with a deep trust that He is truly working all for our good: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that is taking place among you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you are sharing Christ’s sufferings, so that you may also be glad and shout for joy when his glory is revealed” (NRSV). Again, in 1 Peter 4:19, Peter calls us to hope and submission to the trustworthy Lord: “Therefore, let those suffering in accordance with God’s will entrust their lives to a faithful creator…” (NRSV). If we believe God is good and faithful, and we trust Him and submit to Him, in my experience the fruit of peace naturally follows.
There have been many references in the scripture readings of the lectionary recently to the admirable faith of children. My child has certainly taught me one quality of children that I seek to emulate as a child of God: trust in God’s goodness, and submission to my circumstances where they are unchangeable.
Simple childlike trust without questioning God “Why did this happen to me?” This is the mark of maturity in Christ…I am 69, and sometimes this is challenging to do. Thank God for His grace and mercy through Jesus our Lord!